Beauty

Beauty.  I have struggled with feelings of insecurity since I was in high school.  I can't pinpoint exactly when I started feeling so un-beautiful, but it is something that has grown and grown.  There have been times when I couldn't even look in the mirror because I was so disgusted/embarrassed by what I saw.

And then I had 2 beautiful daughters.

And I promised myself that I would change the way I feel about myself for them.  They need a mother who likes herself.  Who thinks she is beautiful.  And who teaches them to find beauty in themselves and in others.

It has been a slow process.  And I still struggle on a daily basis.  But it is getting easier.

I see something of myself in both of my girls every single day, and that really does make me feel beautiful.  Abby's eyes.  Vala's chin.  They are sweet reflections of me, and I love my girls all the more for showing me how to find the beauty in myself again.

Full

Right now, my heart is full to the point of bursting.  I keep thinking about my little girls at home.  Last night, as I was getting them ready for bed, I witnessed the most tender moment between them.  I had them both laying on a blanket, and I was trying to put diapers and lotion and pjs on their squirmy bodies.

Vala had her hands clasped together and in her mouth, as most 3 month olds do.  Abby saw this and grabbed Vala's hands in her own and said, "Dear Jesus, Amen."  Then she folded her own hands together (making sure Vala's were still together), touched her forehead to Vala's forehead, and repeated her little prayer.  She was trying to teach Vala how to pray!

I cried as I watched all of this happening (big surprise), and I sent up my own prayer thanking God for giving me these precious girls and for already pulling Abby close to him.  I pray that she will follow Jesus all of her days and that she will be a good example to her little sister, who already looks up to her so much.

Now we just need to work on what comes between "Dear Jesus" and "Amen."  :) 

Linking up to Five Minute Friday with Gypsy Mama!

Five Minute Friday: Home

I love reading Gypsy Mama's posts, especially the Five Minute Friday ones.  Today I thought I'd give it a try!

Home

Home is where I want to be right now.  Just me and the girls.  Not at a job that isn't fulfilling.  I really want to be a stay-at-home-mom, but it is impossible.  We have bills to pay, and they won't get paid without my paycheck. 

My girls go to an amazing in-home daycare, which is run by a girl my age.  She has a son who is Abby's age and they love/hate each other.  I know she loves my kids like they are her own, and I am so thankful for that.  I just wish it was me home with them.

I want to be the one coming up with fun crafts and projects for Abby to do.  I want to be the one teaching her her letters and numbers.  I do these things, but it's hard on weeknights when I only get to see her for an hour and 1/2 before bedtime.  And weekends can be so hectic.  I need to start saying no more and staying home when I can.

STOP.

That was fun!  And I feel a little better now that I got that off my chest.